A Groom's Guide To This Whole Wedding Thing

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions from the grooms (or at least from the brides, asking for their grooms), and I love it!! There is a total lack of guidance and information out there for our poor guys, leaving them to figure it out for themselves (or worse, leaving you to figure it out for them)! So whether this post helps the lost puppies out there that we know as our fiances, or if it keeps you from having to add one more thing to your To Do List, I will consider it a success.

Here are the top tips I give to the grooms:

Choosing Your Attire:

When picking out what to wear, you have a few decisions to make. First, tux or suit? In more traditional and formal weddings, the obvious choice is a tux. Less formal weddings usually have grooms in suits, which are also a less expensive option. If unsure, check with your bride on this one. Actually, check with her even if you are sure.

Next is whether you want to rent or buy. Tux purchases can be pricey (usually anywhere from $300 to $1,000 depending on quality), and you still have to account for expensive tailoring after the purchase. A more affordable option is to buy from Indochino, which allows you to enter custom measurements and still only spend around $500 total. If you’d prefer to rent, a great option is The Black Tux, which lets you enter custom measurements for either a suit or a tux, and pay a fraction of the cost it would be to buy your attire.

Note: Make sure that when you’re entering in measurements or getting it tailored, that you take the shirt into consideration. If you’re choosing a shirt with French cuffs, for instance, it’s going to be wider on the sleeve, so you’ll want to have the shirt on underneath the jacket when getting it taken in to avoid it being too tight.

Choosing Your Groomsmen Attire:

Once you pick out your outfit, you then have to decide if you want your groomsmen to match you or wear something different. I’d suggest looking at your bride’s Pinterest page for inspiration on this one, and of course, asking her opinion! If you’re thinking of having the guys in a unique color (not black), consider having them rent, since they will likely not be wearing this again after your wedding is over, and asking them to spend $600 on a one-time outfit is just rude. The Black Tux is our favorite rentals company—it allowed the groomsmen to rent navy tuxes, along with all of their other accessories (shoes, shirt, cufflinks, bowties, etc) and only spend around $250 total. Also, if the guys are living in different states and can’t go shopping at a local store with you, Black Tux and Indochino are both super convenient, as they allow you to order custom tuxes/suits online. (Note: I had Adam in a black Indochino tux that he purchased, and his groomsmen in rented Black Tux tuxes that were navy jackets and black pants.)

The Invites

Work with your bride to determine a guest count, and a percentage of those guests that should be friends, family, and family friends. Keep in mind that capacity limits are a thing, as is “cost per head,” so inviting a frat brother who was really cool 6 years ago but who you haven’t actually spoken to since graduating…they may not make the cut. Also, as insignificant as it may seem to tell the guys that they can of course bring a plus one (even if it’s a flavor of the week whose last name they cant remember), please refrain. Typically, plus ones are given to anyone in a serious relationship or those who are engaged.

“What Can I Help With?”

You ever hear the saying “Happy wife, happy life”? Well, this is where it all starts. Learn the phrase “What Can I Help With”…memorize it, and repeat it often. Your bride may be the most organized, chill person ever. Maybe you’re thinking to yourself “wow, this whole wedding planning thing is a breeze! She’s got this.” Maybe she’s asking your opinions every now and again, and you figure she’ll flag you down mid-Fortnite if she needs another opinion any time soon. Well, let me tell you what she’s not telling you: You’re Wrong. Sooner or later, the stress of decision making and planning is going to get to her, and you’re going to have wished you had asked to help a little more often. If you see her stuffing envelopes, calling vendors, finalizing guest lists, or anything else which creates a furrowed brow, lend a helping hand. Maybe you’re not the most creative or organized person out there, but I guarantee you that asking what you can help with will lead to her assigning you a task (as small as it might be) that could take a load of stress off her plate.

Also, be proactive when it comes to conversations with your family. A source of awkwardness is usually tied to chats with the in-laws, whether it’s around money, invites, decor, etc. Your bride does not want to have to tell your lovely mother that she can’t invite her 50-woman bookclub group, or that your sister’s off-white dress isn’t appropriate. Step in when needed to be the mediator and to relay any tough messages. They should be coming from you (or you both), but not just from her.

Drink Less, Party More:

For those of you who don’t know, the night before your wedding is called the Rehearsal Dinner. And no, a rehearsal dinner is not in fact the same thing as a frat party, contrary to popular belief. It is, however, a semi-formal event to welcome guests, have dinner, and hear toasts. Drinks will be flowing, friends will be passing you shots, and it’s extremely easy for one drink to turn into 8. Now, to repeat myself, this night comes before your wedding. Which means you’ll be waking up early and preparing yourself to marry the love of your life. Want to know what causes a real damper on that day? A hangover. Try to limit the liquor consumption as much as possible until the wedding reception so you can fully enjoy everything leading up to that moment. Playing golf with the guys on Friday morning? Cool, have a few beers, APPLY SUNSCREEN CONSTANTLY (or you’ll be forced to wear makeup to hide the red skin), and remember that the best day of your life is still to come, so don’t go overboard on the booze just yet!

Your Groomsmen, Your Problem:

The bride has plenty to worry about on the wedding day, and tracking down your groomsmen ain’t one. While we understand that sometimes guys aren’t the best listeners and your friends are bound to be chasing down beers or hot single bridesmaids, we’re going to need them to be on time for a few occasions: Rehearsing the ceremony, the rehearsal dinner, first look photos, the ceremony, and any other time the photographer calls for a group shot. Whether you have them all attached to one of those leashes you see parents use on their kids at Disney World, or you have a whistle you’ve trained them to listen for…you do you. Just make sure you have eyes on the groomsmen at all time, maybe know where they’re staying (in case they oversleep and you need to wake them up), and don’t wait for the bride or photographer to ask you where so-and-so is for you to recognize that you’re a man short.

Gifts:

A few gifts you should be thinking about. One is to your lovely bride. For this present, I’d suggest talking with her first and understanding what type of gifts you’re exchanging on the wedding day. Some brides don’t want to exchange anything at all, in which case I’d suggest at least writing her a letter that can be delivered to her on the morning of the wedding. Others are going all out for you and likely expect something thoughtful. Not good at this stuff? No problem…here are my suggestions for a gift for the bride: jewelry (something like this with your wedding date or line from your vows engraved on it), or a watercolor picture of your proposal (like this) or of the wedding venue (like this).

Next is your family. If your parents are hosting any part of the wedding, you should gift them with something as a thank you. See gift ideas for parents here).

Finally is the groomsmen. My suggestions for gifts for your guys include: sunglasses, cufflinks, bowties, monogrammed flasks, whiskey decanters, or socks for the day of. And of course a well thought out note. See photos below for inspiration.

And there you have it. I hope this was semi-helpful, and I wish you the best of luck in your planning endeavors. Enjoy the planning process together, and keep in mind that any temporary bursts of anger or irrational moments of insanity from your beautiful, perfect wife-to-be are completely normal. Remember that the best way to avoid these moments altogether is with those 4 magical words (“how can I help”).