You're Engaged...Now What? A Guide On What To Do First
You’re newly engaged, the adrenaline is pumping, and you are ready to tackle this whole wedding planning nonsense that everyone claims is “so hard.” Yeah, whatever…you’ve had a Pinterest since you were 8, been sneaking peaks at the wedding magazines in Barnes and Noble since you were 12, and are feeling prepared AF. But then a few days go by, the champagne stops flowing, the “congrats” texts slow down, and you’re left with a black hole of a question: “Where The Actual F Do I Start.”
It’s an extremely daunting thought, and while this blog has *all* the answers, it still begs the question: what first?
I’ve broken down an easy, step by step planning guide that I personally followed for my own wedding. These are the first major things to check off the list, and once they’re completed, you’ll be able to narrow in on details and decor. Of course every planner may suggest to do things differently, and certain vendors may book up faster than others depending on who you’re looking at, so you may need to edit the order on some of these!
1.Guest Count
A weird place to start, I know. This seems like something that should be much further down the list. In fact, it was for us. We had selected our venue first, and after a few months of selecting vendors, we decided to put this piece together. It didn’t take long to realize that our count was far greater than we had expected, and while we knew our capacity limit was fairly large for the outdoor venue we selected, we were left scratching our heads at what to do with the rehearsal dinner space that only fit half of the guests. I strongly urge you to put together your rough invite list first. It doesn’t have to be close to a final count, but it will give you an idea of what you’re working with so you can then search for venues that accommodate everyone.
2. Budget
A rough budget is hard to figure out, but it’s necessary before booking anything! You can find rough estimates online of what % of the budget goes to each component of the wedding (approximately x% to florals, x% to lighting, x% to food and alcohol), etc. I can tell you right now that whatever your budget is, you’ll most likely surpass it, so start low! This total amount and estimated breakdown for each category will help you stay within your means when selecting your venue and vendors. Plus, since you already have a rough idea of guest count, this will also help with your budget, as most things are calculated “per head.”
3. Venue
Next to figure out is the venue! Start thinking about the atmosphere of where you see yourself getting married (indoor vs outdoor, beach vs ballroom, barn vs warehouse, etc). When you have an idea of where you can see it happening, stalk the crap out of Instagram. I found wedding photographers and planners based in the south (since I knew I wanted a South Carolina wedding), and looked at their insta photos for any pretty location that was tagged. I would then Google the venue and find more info on it. Once you narrow down your top choices, you can go visit and ask all the questions you need.
When booking the venue, you’ll obviously be booking a wedding date, so come prepared with an idea of which season/month you prefer! If you’re doing an outdoor wedding, consider rainy months, temperature, any chances of hurricanes, etc. If you’re doing a winter wedding, make sure the venue has plenty of warm, indoor spaces available! It’s always a good idea to pick a location that has a good backup choice as well; especially if you’re planning an outdoor wedding!
The last thing I’ll say about booking the venue is that most will come with an on-site coordinator, as well as a list of “preferred vendors.” While you don’t have to use any vendor on the list, it is certainly a good place to start when looking at options! They’ll likely list their favorite photographer, videographer, caterer, bakery, lighting, band/dj, florist, etc.
4. Planner/Coordinator
This is where you need to decide if you’re going to use a day-of-coordinator (maybe the venue provides one), and/or a planner. I HIGHLY urge you to use a planner, regardless of your budget. They are worth every penny. Details and logistics that you should not have to worry about (vendors are lost, someone didn’t show up, guests have questions during the reception, the layout of the wedding, how many tables are needed, how much liquor to stock up on, the set up and tear down of the wedding, etc)….it’s a lot!! Look at Instagram for a planner that has a similar vision to your own. Read reviews on Yelp, WeddingWire, The Knot, etc. Ask them questions that are important to you!
5. Vendors
Now you can start booking your vendors! The order of these varies depending on how in-demand they are. I’ve put the order I personally used below, but be sure to switch yours up if you know certain ones get booked faster than others! Again, turn to Instagram, Facebook, online reviews, etc to find quality, dependable companies you can trust to bring your vision to life. Make sure you understand their pricing breakdown, and if they have any additional fees (service charge, taxes, travel fee, etc) that you need to account for.
-Photographer
-Caterer
-Band/DJ
-Florist
6. Registry
A wedding registry happens to be one of the first things you do, which is kind of nuts. People (especially the older folks) love buying engagement gifts off of it, so head to Crate and Barrel or another fav store and start putting those wine glasses, air fryer, etc down on your wish list! Once you publish your website, guests will be able to view the registry and start getting you items. Then, closer to the wedding, you can add more (especially a honeymoon fund!).
7. Wedding Website
When you know where/when the wedding is, you can start the wedding website! You’ll be able to add the registry, any engagement pics you may have, and details for the event. It’s a great place to store your guest count as well as keep track of RSVPs that will eventually come in. Obviously the details of the wedding will be decided at a later date, but starting a preliminary site is a great first step to getting organized. You’ll need this up and running before sending out any Save The Dates.
8. Finding A Dress
Read my post on tips to dress shopping! Start this process relatively early, as most dresses can take 6-8 months to ship out, and you have to account for at least 2-3 alterations. I absolutely do not recommend rushing this process, as it’s one of the most special parts of being engaged, but a good way to not feel rushed is to start it relatively early! Once you’ve found the dress, STOP LOOKING. Do not keep searching Pinterest and Insta for more gorgeous gowns, because you will absolutely second guess your decision. If you loved it in the store, you’re going to love it on the day of the wedding, I promise!
Everything Else
There are obviously way more vendors to choose (lighting, invites, transportation, etc), but these are ones you can worry about a little further down the line! Getting the big things checked off the list is important, so make sure you don’t wait too long for these! Your photographer will help you decide on timing for an engagement shoot, your hair/makeup stylists will help you decide timing for a beauty trial, your dress store will make sure your alterations are scheduled appropriately, etc….so truly these are the first big pieces, and the rest will fall into place! *When ready, see my overall To Do List for a month by month guide!
DO NOT GET STRESSED OR OVERWHELMED!
I know it’s easy to get bombarded with chaos and feel like you have so much to do, but it will all get done! Figure out a way to stay organized. For me, that meant making a To Do List, month by month, with each item spelled out alongside a due date. I have a planner I use for work, so under each week I’d add one or two items to the planner’s To Do section (ex: choose a florist and pick food menu). Breaking it down week by week helped me get things done in a timely manner and kept it extremely manageable so I wasn’t staring at a To Do list with 800 items on it. As I went along, I was constantly updating the planner with new things I needed done or moving an item to a later date if I realized it wasn’t as pressing as something else.